A Theory

This is one of many, many theories I have. As someone once said, "If you have a mind, you have an opinion." In my opinion, most theories are in fact, just an opinion. So on to today's theory. Bbow and I were watching something on TV the other night. To be honest, I don't remember what because in reality he was watching it, I was reading next to him. Some female celebrity's face flashed on the screen and I remembered that her husband had cheated on her with their children's nanny.

The first theory I have is about the cheating. I believe people only cheat for one of two reasons. Either they aren't getting what they need from home or they are just morally dogs. Now, don't read that wrong. I am not saying that there is an excuse for infidelity. There never is. Period. If your relationship is lacking something then work on that aspect of the relationship and improve it! Do not go looking for a replacement. And if you are just morally a dog, then you have no business being in a relationship in the first place.

My second theory, and the one I shared with Bbow that night is why there is such a prevalance of men cheating on their wives with the nanny. The celebrity in question this night is known for being an extremely talented musician/singer and by all reports is actually a very nice person. She is also incredibly beautiful. So why on Earth would her husband be having an affair with the nanny? Here's my theory: Men are biologically wired to be attracted to the woman who cares for his home and family. Seriously. No, I'm not saying if you are a working wife and/or mother then your husband has the right to sleep with the nanny. Nor am I saying by being a working wife and/or mother you are inviting trouble or you deserve to be cheated on. What I am saying is when God created man and woman, He wired us mentally and emotionally for the roles we are born for. Men find it much easier to leave the children each day and go to work because that is the way they were created. They were suppose to be able to go out and kill dinner. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to go out and kill dinner, or go to war to protect the woman and children, if you were constantly thinking about those women and children and worrying about their welfare. Men compartmentalize the way they do because that is the ability God gave them in order to be able to do what they have to do. In the same way He wired women to find it very difficult to leave their children in someone else's care. God, in His infinite wisdom, gave women the desire to stay home, care for that home, care for her husband, and care for the children because, let's face it, someone has to do it!

Men are designed to be attracted to the woman who cares for him, his home and his children. So my suggestion? Be that woman of course!

The Happy Cake

Sounds like a children's book doesn't it? Yesterday I was baking a cake from scratch. It was the first time in two years I baked anything more complicated than canned biscuits. I made a rum glazed pound cake from a Cooking Light cookbook that I am currently crazy about. As with all cakes from scratch it was a fairly labour intensive process including injecting rum glaze into the cake with a flavor injector (think large syringe) and poking holes in the top then pouring glaze over it so that it soaked in. While making this cake I lost count of the number of times I thought to myself, "I am ridiculously happy right now."

The first week after I quit my job I was very busy just disentangling myself from that job. Equipment had to be disassembled and returned, every piece of paper that had anything sensitive on it had to be burned, there were emails to field and phone calls to make. It was amazing how much work there was to stop working! This week, however, I am starting to do my housewifey things again. Little by little rooms are being properly cleaned, each night there has been a healthy meal made from scratch and no fast food has been bought to compensate from the lack of anyone having the time or the ability to feed the family. I'm starting to feel normal again. The constant stress that I was under for two years has evaporated.

Don't get me wrong. There is still stress. I have a budget to balance and then maintain, I have an 11 month old grandson that I'm very involved in caring for, I have multiple personal relationships to heal, I have menus to plan. There is stress. But it's a good stress. It's stress I can handle because it is related to my obedience to God.

In the last weeks of the emotional coma I mentioned before, I read something on Facebook that in an odd way was the catalyst for the meltdown that led to my returning to being a housewife. It said, "You were created for a purpose. Doing anything else will never make you happy." At the beginning of 2004 our entire church read The Purpose Driven Life together. It was called the 40 Days of Purpose. I learned so clearly that all the dreck my mother had tried to instill in me my whole life about women needing to get advanced degrees and have careers to be useful and worthwhile was just that, dreck. Nonsense. God created me to be my husband's helpmeet. His partner. My role was to care for him, our home, our children and our marriage. And yet without my even noticing it, the devil snuck in and for two years had me convinced I had to have an outside, paying job. It never ceases to amaze me how someone who knows just how sneaky the devil is, still doesn't notice when she is being manipulated by the father of Lies.

But now I'm seeing more clearly. I'm daily remembering that God created me for a purpose and the purpose is to be a Keeper at Home. A Guardian of my Home. Baking a cake from scratch may not seem like an act of obedience but it is. All six of us have a healthy sweet to nibble that isn't filled with chemicals or preservatives and is in fact a low fat dessert. Not a big deal on it's own but certainly a small step in my walk to be what I was created to be. And it starts with a happy cake. Well, the cake may not be happy but the baker sure is!

Listen or else! (part 0ne)

I feel as if I've woken up from a functioning coma. As if the last two years I've been walking, talking and interacting with the world but essentially in a coma. Quite frankly the end of this coma has been a waking nightmare. I've long believed that God will not necessarily guide you down the correct path but if you go down the wrong one He will pull you back. Sometimes forcefully. Two years ago I looked at our financial situation and made a truly stupid decision. I listened to the world and took a paying job. The first job I took was working for a reservation service out of my home. This seemed ideal for someone as committed to home as I profess to be. However, it paid very little and the hours were restrictive. More specifically the time I was "on the clock" I was tied to my desk. computer and phone. The only upside to being at home was the commute. Then I went to work for a large health insurance company. During my initial interview I was told that after six months most workers in this department were strongly encouraged to telecommute. That seemed like a dream come true! The pay was nearly three times the other job and the hours would be flexible. As long as I put in the total hours it didn't really matter when I worked. However, that six months ended up being more than a year and there were major changes in our home in that time. My son rather unexpectedly got married (and the foundling became my daughter in law) and three months later my wonderful grandson was born. Because all of this was very unplanned, they live with us until they can afford to move into their own home. Having them in the house is both a blessing and a trial as is usually the case when multiple generations share the same roof.

Around the time my grandson was born, I started hearing from God on a very specific subject. I also starting ignoring God on this very specific subject. The subject was and is Titus 2 and the eight commands God gives to women. These eight commands are in addition to the 613 commandments in the Old Testament and they are for women only. When God puts a burden on my heart I know it. It is always clear. The problem is, this time I chose to ignore the burden. Ignore God speaking to me. Ignore God nudging me. So He went from nudging to pushing to shoving.

The thing I learned most is: Listen or else! And the "or else" can be agonizingly painful. God may not punish us here on Earth (and for those of us who know Jesus as our Saviour, we will not be punished after we leave this Earth) but He will most certainly allow adversity into our lives to get a point across or get our attention.

I'm going to elaborate on this concept as I learned it in the past two years. It will probably take multiple posts but since so far no one reads this except me, so what. When I'm done writing it all down, hopefully I will find a way to use it to help other women avoid the painful, sometimes excruciating, lesson that I learned the hard way.